I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
