Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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