I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
