Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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