meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
