I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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