Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?