I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
