i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
