I think i peed on brittanys purse
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
