I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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