He kissed a someone with a penis
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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