I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
