Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
