So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
