Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
