I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
