dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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