Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
