Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
