Whatcha textin bout Willis?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think my moral compass just broke
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize