Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize