Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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