As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
