Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
that's an acceptable place to lick
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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