I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
