dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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