Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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