went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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