i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital