i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.