watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
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Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
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Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.