i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday