need another drink. this is the easiest way
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
