Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
