sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
