Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
