we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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