I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am full of burrito and curiosity
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
