She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
