he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
