I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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