There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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