Say something about gay babies.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
