and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dicks are not precious.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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