Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
