You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
