If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
