I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
