Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
