My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize