so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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