I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
