you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
