When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
