Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
