Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize