worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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