the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog