Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death