a bad idea.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
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since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.