we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
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So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They have beer where we have blood.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."