I wannas sexs uuuuu
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
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you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
did you just send me my own nude
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"