He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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