so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
this is an emotional support booty call
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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