dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
