glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
