I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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