I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
