my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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