my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
