Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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