Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
