you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
