C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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