Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
