So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
