I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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